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August 24, 2012 / thegirlwhotooktheleap

I’m a mess

I’m such an emotional mess right now. I miss my mom so much that it hurts. 😦 And just when I’ll be recovering from missing my mom I will have to go through another goodbye again once hubby deploys very soon. After not seeing my parents for so long I feel like I’ve plateaued into this numb state where I was just a zombie busy studying and working and I had my hubby to keep me sane. Then seeing my mom this past week got me into such a high that now I am suffering the consequences of the high dropping to such a low.. and to think that when Tim leaves I will fall even deeper into that pit. I have considered talking to a counselor since I have so much on my plate right now and I just need someone to talk to, someone to help me get past the next couple of months.. I think once its January I will be able to breathe again.. the nanny will come and the baby and my mom will be coming soon so I have much to look forward to. Its just a couple of months, I can do this right? I’m worried that being so sad will hurt my baby. I need to be strong and happy for my baby!! Now that I’m in my second trimester I am feeling much better and don’t even feel pregnant anymore that its scary. I am still waiting for my tummy to grow bigger, I can’t wait!

I’m probably gonna be posting a lot now.. this feels therapeutic in a way. Writing helps me sort my thoughts, and I have so much right now. For now I should just savor and enjoy what time I have left with my hubby and also just focus on getting back into school-mode since we start on Monday again. Be strong Steph, you can do this!



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  1. marian / Aug 24 2012 9:19 am

    Just hang in there. If you need someone to talk to, you can always do that to your baby. Share your thoughts and your dreams and how you and his dad met! Plus and most of all, prayer will get you through!=)

    • thegirlwhotooktheleap / Aug 24 2012 9:26 am

      Thank you! To be honest, I have yet to start talking to the baby. My tummy is still so small it doesn’t feel real that its in there. But I will start doing that! Thanks for the support. I need to start praying more too.

  2. lloyd / Aug 24 2012 12:22 pm

    Hey Steph! Just pray and stay strong. You’ll get through this with His help. =) Our prayers and support go out to you and your family as well.

    I stumbled upon your blog through Visajourney and just recently I realized how small this world can be. Here are some proofs.. we both came from UP Manila, we’re both from the East Coast, I’m in the processes of AOS (I know you’re done with this hurdle) and lastly, you’re friends with Therese who happens to be my wife =). Nice to meet you! Thanks for sharing your journey. It really inspires us.

    • thegirlwhotooktheleap / Aug 24 2012 1:59 pm

      Oh wow I had no idea!! Congrats on everything! AOS is tedious and stressful but you’ll be fine, your relationship is legit anyway πŸ™‚ Goodluck! Hope to bump across you guys soon!

      • lloyd / Aug 24 2012 2:40 pm

        Congrats to you and your hubby on your recent milestones as well, especially on your pregnancy! I agree, AOS is and nail-biting indeed. Thanks for your words of encouragement! Yup, hopefully we all meet someday! =) Good luck and God bless!

  3. Maricarl-Janah Bolus / Aug 24 2012 12:47 pm

    Hi Stephanie, my husband and I discovered your blog way back when I was in PI and we weren’t married yet. You have been so helpful because our situation was quite similar, We’re the same age, our husbands are in the military, and we had to go through the same process. Thank you for your posts, they have been extremely helpful. Now, I am all settled in and I am very thankful.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that all is well with you and your baby, despite having to be admitted. I had to comment on this post because my husband is currently deployed and I have to admit I was a complete mess. A roller coaster of emotions gutted me the first few weeks and I was literally depressed. But it gets better, especially when he reaches his destination safely and you are talking to him on Skype or however way you contact each other. I wanted to share this to let you know that you’re not alone, and your reaction to the situation is not abnormal at all.

    I know it might be a lot more difficult for you considering your situation, but I guess this is what growing up is about and all it takes is strength, patience, determination, and a great support system which I know you have. We all have our own challenges and journeys to go through and I’m so glad that the internet has allowed us to take a peek at each others life.

    I wish you all the best, good health, a healthy baby, and a safe deployment for your husband.

    • thegirlwhotooktheleap / Aug 24 2012 1:58 pm

      Aww thank you so much!! I hope your husband is safe and comes home soon. I know I’ll be okay (eventually) I just need to hang in there. I appreciate your kind words!

  4. Flor / Aug 27 2012 6:56 am

    Steph, going under the situations you are living now you are doing very good! ItΒ΄s too much to handle at this point so my best advice is that you get closer to God and ask HIM for strenght, you will see things are better to deal with when your heart is at peace, besides, look at the amazing miracle that is sweet and growing right there in you! God bless you and you can always count on my words and prayers! Take care, Flor

  5. shetraces / Oct 4 2012 6:57 pm

    Sending well wishes your way! Everytime I’m swamped with work I also turn to blogging which never makes sense to me but I agree with you, it’s therapeudic. Speaking of which I should probably get back to my Article analysis, case studies and thinking about food. I truly admire you and your strength! Keep at it!

  6. shetraces / Oct 4 2012 6:58 pm

    PS- As a first year #SLP2b, I cannot wait to start next fall as a second year. Lord knows it’s hard to look past even one week with the amount of work we have to do, but, someone’s got to do it!

    • thegirlwhotooktheleap / Oct 6 2012 8:38 am

      You will get there!! Time will fly by and before you know it, you’re almost done too πŸ™‚

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