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September 15, 2012 / thegirlwhotooktheleap

Even the days you dread eventually pass you by

So it finally did come to pass.

The days before he left were the hardest. We tried to make it seem like normal days, kept our routine like nothing was changing. No one really mentioning the big elephant in the room. We argued, mostly because I wanted to acknowledge what was going on, and I wanted extra cuddles and more hugs and kisses. I took off from school that week because I just couldn’t bear being in class knowing I could be spending time with him. I had sleepless nights because I would wake up and see him and realize that he wouldn’t be there in a few nights. It was really hard. He wanted to keep our routine, I wanted to break it. I guess he wanted normalcy while I wanted change, which made sense because he was the one leaving. I look back now and realize that arguing over watching Anderson Cooper while curled up in the couch was silly, coz I would give anything to be doing that right now. Doesn’t seem like the ideal way to spend the night before he leaves, but it was how we spent every other night we were together.

I had spent the weeks and days prior to him leaving in a daze, I cried and was always in this constant state of dread. But the day before he left, and the morning of it I was surprisingly calm. Almost as if I was ready. The goodbyes were hard, but it came and went and now it has been 2 days since he left. I haven’t cried since which scares me, but I know there’s plenty of time for that later on.

And to think this is only stage 1. I will still see him for a couple days in Oct and Nov before he leaves for the big 9 month tour. I call Oct stage 2 and stage 3 is the big D. But there’s no denying it now, the hourglass has turned and the wheels are in motion.

And you know what? I am okay. Sure, I miss him. So much that it hurts. But I am okay. I can do this, we can make it. It won’t be easy, but I have school and a great support system from my friends. Most of all, I have faith. Faith that Tim and I can handle this. We’ve done it before, when I was still in China and he was in the US; and we can do it again.

For now, I am just hanging on to his short phone calls. Hearing his sweet voice makes everything better. I am grateful for the technology we have, I cannot imagine how past military wives have done it.

I just need to keep myself busy and look forward to little things, like my next doctor’s appointment and ultrasound, school ending and the baby coming, mom’s next visit and Tim’s next passes. It’s almost a relief that I am at this point, because now I can get this over with, and in time our family will be complete again.

Praying for all the wives, mothers, families and soldiers all going through the same thing! God bless you all!

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2 Comments

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  1. shetraces / Oct 4 2012 6:53 pm

    You are a very strong woman, which means you already have the great makings to be an awesome mommy!

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