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October 30, 2012 / thegirlwhotooktheleap

How to stop the bitterness

Ahh, yes the bitterness.

The bitterness that comes with your husband being gone. It doesn’t get to me everyday, on most days I am okay actually. But there are some days.. some days when my patience is running thin and even the slightest thing gets to me.

It’s easy to be bitter when you are in my shoes. After all, who wants to go through pregnancy alone? And to top it off, my family is not even here. Since Tim left, I have had to rely on myself. I do have a great support system who provide me with constant encouragement, but at the end of the day.. it really boils down to the fact that the person whom you relied on for everything is not here for you anymore.

The fact of the matter is that being pregnant and having no husband around makes me extra-sensitive, but I don’t really show that to others. I act like everything’s okay and I try to be strong. I don’t like pity, I don’t like people thinking I am weak, because I am not. I am incredibly strong, and I know this because I am still here, thriving, despite it all. Sometimes I hear women complain (a lot). They miss their boyfriends who they haven’t seen in days or weeks. Or other pregnant women who treat pregnancy as an excuse to be lazy and make their husbands do all the housework. It makes me bitter, but I don’t take it out on them because its not their fault. It’s me who has a problem. Because I am bitter that my husband is not around. People have a right to miss their boyfriends when they are gone for a few days, and pregnant women certainly have the right to be lazy (I mean it really is hard work to be pregnant!). I just simply don’t have that luxury, unfortunately. (The things I hate most: groceries and laundry. We don’t have our own washer/dryer so I need to walk to the laundromat, and we live in an apartment so groceries have to be carried in.. its becoming a real pain to do those things when you don’t have your big strong husband with you to help…).

So how can I stop the bitterness?

I try to look at all the positive things. I try to see the good in everything. I drown myself in online shopping (more like browsing, lol) and school and I just stop focusing on the sad thoughts. I try to avoid situations where I will be surrounded by things that will make me sad. For example, I purposely did not sign up for childbirth classes at my hospital because I didn’t want to see the happy couples. It’s sad, but its how I cope with things. Everyone has their own way.

Someday, I can look at back at all of this and I can tell myself that I survived, and that I did it. I will be able to look back and see that I survived being pregnant alone, I survived childbirth without my husband, and raising this baby for the first 7-8 months without him. On top of that, I am finishing graduate school and completing my thesis (which is hard enough on its own without the stress of pregnancy and deployment). And then I can be proud of myself, because I know that what I am about to accomplish is not an ordinary feat. And after I endure this, things can only get better. Because when you are at the bottom there is no way to go but up. I need to keep my faith in God that He is constantly looking out for me, because I know He is.

But for now, I just need to hang in there.. And I need to try to stop the bitterness. Being more positive can only do me and the baby more good. 🙂 And for the rest of you who are reading this…. please don’t take your blessings for granted. Treasure having your husbands around, or your family. If only my mom or dad could be here with me, I know I’d be so much happier. But I know soon I can finally visit them, once I finish school!

PS. On the bright side, our area was extremely blessed to be spared by Sandy. We never lost power, running water and our basement stayed dry. Thank you, Lord! I am praying for those who were affected by this great storm, especially for those families who’s husbands are deployed and can’t be with them to help with the repairs and stuff.

Remember, tomorrow is a new day!

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2 Comments

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  1. AMargaretV / Oct 30 2012 8:27 pm

    being positive makes such a difference! My husband is almost done with his second deployment, and it goes by so much faster when you focus on the good things in your life and have a positive attitude.

    • thegirlwhotooktheleap / Oct 30 2012 8:35 pm

      wow, I’m so happy for you!!! I hope time goes by quick for you.. and you are awesome for having survived this twice already. 🙂 you girls give me hope! 🙂

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